I loved a girl
by esunaverguenza
Summary: Slightly AU. Santana has never been able to be herself, but her life is destined to change when a new girl comes to her school.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Hey there! This is my first fic ever, and I really doubted whether to post it or not, but I'd really like to get better at writing and hearing what you guys think!**

**This chapter starts right after the slap in "Mash-off" but the next chapters will take place 3 years earlier, telling how Santana met Brittany and how they became friends. First chapter is very short, but the next ones will be longer, I promise!**

**I hope you like it, and please tell me what you think.**  
><strong>Enjoy!<br>**

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><p><em>CHAPTER 1<em>

I saw my hand moving towards his face. It was as in slow motion, coming closer and closer until it eventually slammed into his cheek with a force I didn't even know I had in me. His face was dumbstruck, an angry red mark brimming on the side of his face. I felt my hand sting from the impact. The shocked gasps echoed through the auditorium. Berry looked like someone just told her that Barbra Streisand had been killed, Mr. Schue looked like he had to stop world war III, Mercedes had a look in her eyes as if she had just seen a ghost and the rest of them looked just plain shocked, while my whole world was falling apart into tiny pieces.

I stood there, watching Finn. I felt frozen. Then suddenly everything blurred. My vision became clouded, and my brain blocked out everything but one thought:

_I have to get the hell out of here_

I don't remember how I got out of the auditorium, I don't know how I got out of the school and onto the parking lot, but suddenly I was in my car, my fists gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white from the force. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, pumping the adrenaline through my veins. I wanted to cry, really, I wanted to. But I couldn't. I could only think about what a fucking mess my life had become.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! This chapter, and the ones after this one, will take placea few years before chapter 1. I also want to say that this story doens't completely follow canon, the only thing in this story that follows canon is the slap from chapter 1. As promised, this chapter is longer than the previous one! Please let me know what you think, I'd love to get some feedback.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><em>CHAPTER 2<em>

I groaned loudly when I was woken by the screaming sound of my alarm clock. This morning wasn't different from all the others. I woke up, and instantly felt like crying. I hated waking up. It meant that I had to drag myself out of bed and into another day. Another day of doing things I didn't want to do and talk to people I didn't want to talk to.

I reached my hand to my bedside table, searching for the snooze button, but not minding to open my eyes. I slammed the button when I found it, and then covered my face with the palms of my hands.

_Oh, what I would give to be able to just close my eyes, and hide in my bed for the rest of my life._

I allowed myself to relax for a few moments more, until the alarm clock went off again. I slammed the button to make it shut up and pushed myself to get out of bed. I sighed while I stumbled through my room, eyes still stinging from sleep, searching for my Cheerios outfit.

I groaned when I pulled the fabric over my head and moved to the bathroom to start my morning ritual.

_Here we go again._

**xxxxx**

I enjoyed the rays of sun, beaming through my window and warming my face, a few minutes later while I watched myself in the large mirror in my room. My eyes roamed my own body, looking for imperfections. I reached out to my dresser and grabbed the lip gloss that was lying there, and applied a nice layer on my lips, before giving myself a wink in the mirror. There, now my look was complete. Aside from my empty, emotionless eyes, I looked awesome.

_Hello head cheerleader._

I bent over to get my bag, slung it over my shoulder and left my room, sighing with every step down the stairs. The house was quiet and empty, as always, my footsteps sounding hollow in the hall. I shot a look at the clock on the wall. I had to hurry if I wanted to be able to get some breakfast.

My mom never made me breakfast. She usually had already left for work when I came out of bed, and when she wasn't working she wouldn't come out of bed until noon, so I had to take care of myself. It had always been that way.

When I entered the kitchen the smell of smoke and alcohol invaded my nostrils. I looked around; the house was a fucking mess. Dirty dishes were everywhere, along with empty packets of cigarettes and crumpled boxes where once food had been in. A few empty bottles were huddled together on the counter top.

I positioned my bag next to them, giving them a quick glance, before opening the cabinet, looking for something to eat. I found an almost empty box of cereal and opened the refrigerator for some milk. I was greeted by an empty fridge.

"Fuck," I cursed to myself. "Doesn't even bother to make sure there's some fucking food in this house," I muttered under my breath.

I took a bowl out of the cabinet and filled it with the cereal. I reached for a spoon and started scooping the dry circles into my mouth. Positioning my lower back against the counter, I looked around the room.

"What a fucking mess."

With the bowl clutched in my hand, I walked out of the kitchen, into the living room. It wasn't much better there. Dirty clothes were lying in a pile in the middle of the room along with some used tissues. My breath hitched a little when I saw two empty bottles standing on the floor next to the couch. On the couch lay an old comforter, red stains visible in the fabric. My brow furrowed in frustration.

"God!"

I sighed and slammed my bowl onto the coffee table, making the spoon clatter against the rim of the bowl.

"Fuck it," I muttered, while walking back into the kitchen and reaching for my bag. I rummaged through it until I found my packet of cigarettes. I took one out and lighted it, before swinging my bag over my shoulder and walking out of my house, slamming the door shut and sucking hard on the cigarette, blowing the smoke into the morning air.

**xxxxx**

"Santana! Santana!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed when I recognized the voice

_Maybe if I just pretend that I didn't hear her, she'll go away._

Ever since Rachel had caught me singing that one time, she stalked me, practically begging me to join the glee club.

It had been a month or so ago; I had had a free period, so as usual I went under the bleachers to just listen to some music and smoke. I always went there; it relaxed me and gave me the chance to clear my head. No one else ever came there, it was really my spot. So I was laying there on my back on the ground, music blaring through my earphones, while casually raising my cigarette to my mouth, only to blow the smoke up in the air a few seconds later. I don't know why, but suddenly I started singing along with my music. It had felt good.

Until Rachel's head popped up and tried to talk me into joining the glee club, and informing me about all the harm that smoking could do to my voice.

I loved singing, it made me feel… _free_… like I was in control of something, but I knew that joining the glee club was the same as committing suicide. If I wanted to join glee club I could as well search the highest bridge in the country and throw myself off of it. Glee club was for losers, not for cheerleaders.

So I sped up my pace and walked through the school hall, trying to shake off my follower. No matter how fast I would walk, I could hear the footsteps drawing closer nevertheless.

"Santana, have you already thought about what I asked you last week?" she asked when she caught up with me.

I looked to my left, where Rachel was beaming at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. From the corners of my eyes I could see some of the other Cheerios leaning casually against the lockers, talking to one another. I saw them flick their eyes towards me and Rachel every now and then, the confusion evident in their eyes, wondering why one of the school's biggest losers was talking to the head cheerleader.

I turned my gaze to Rachel again and rolled my eyes.

"Rachel, have you already thought about hanging yourself, like I ask you every day?" I answered, mimicking her voice.

Some of the Cheerios laughed at my remark. Some regular kids that were rummaging in their lockers looked at me with a shocked expression, but averted their gazes when I shot them a look.

_Good. They still know who's in charge here._

Rachel huffed, but tried again nonetheless.

"Please just think about it. I for one have a great eye for talent, and you're so lucky that I saw yours. Maybe it's a once in a lifetime thing, Santana. You'll never know if someone else is going to see your talent like I do," she continued while still following me through the hall.

I grunted and stopped in my tracks. I turned around slowly and watched the petite girl in front of me. I arched my eyebrow before I spoke.

"Yeah, and I see your huge nose poking into my grill, so if you want to keep that huge thing on your face, I suggest you gets the hells out of my sight afores I smack it back to Israel."

Rachel's shoulders dropped and I could see the hurt creep into her eyes. Although the remark must've warned everyone in the school hall not to annoy me, I could still feel a little bit of guilt gnawing inside of me. I saw Rachel's hurt expression, and the feeling grew stronger, so I averted my eyes quickly.

_It's her own fault, she shouldn't be so damn annoying and now everyone knows that Santana Lopez is still the head bitch in charge. You're not just a regular bitch, Santana, you are a bitch because you _need_ to be a bitch._  
>I repeated that a few times in my head until I could feel the guilt slowly ebbing away.<p>

A moment later I saw a familiar blonde approaching from over Rachel's shoulder. Quinn must've heard what I said to Rachel, because she was smiling smugly.

"Out of my way, dwarf," she sneered while pushing the brunette aside and striding up to me.

"Good one there, Lopez," she said while linking her arm through mine, leading me through the hall. I smiled smugly.

I could hear the sound of Berry collapsing into the lockers from the force of Quinn's push behind me.

Quinn ignored it.

"You know me, Fabray."

We walked to my locker together, leaving Rachel alone in the crowded hall. I shot her one last look. She was bending over to pick up the books that had fallen out of her arms when Quinn had shoved her. I sighed and shifted my gaze quickly.

All the kids in the hall made room for us to get through. Quinn and I were like Moses; wherever we came, the crowd would always part to let us through. The popular kids would smile and wave at us when we passed and the losers would just lower their gaze, minding their own business, afraid to be sneered at.

It wasn't really what I wanted. Being popular. Everyone at school saw me as this bitch, this heartless, cold person that would crush everyone beneath her and that would do _anything_ to stay on top. And honestly, I hated it. I hated being thought of like that.  
><em><br>Hurt people before they can hurt you_

But I had to. I had to make sure that people were scared of me, that they wouldn't dare to get onto my bad side. Because if I didn't, people would use me. If I was nice to everyone, I would only end up hurt. Because that's how life is. Give too much of yourself or make yourself vulnerable, and you're going to get crushed.

I opened my locker and rummaged through it, looking for my books. Quinn leaned against the lockers next to mine.

"You already heard about the new girl?" she asked.

I shot her a look, not knowing what she was talking about.

"No. And why in hell would I care about some new loser? I'm busy enough making Berry miserable," I spoke, annoyed.

The blonde laughed.

"Well, maybe this one will change your mind," she said while pursing her lips and raising her perfect eyebrows.

I closed my locker, not bothering to get my books out, and turned towards Quinn.

"And why would that be?" I asked with one eyebrow arched.

"I heard she'd been here for one day, and Coach had already asked her to join the Cheerios," Quinn muttered.

I felt my eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. No one ever got _asked_ by coach Sylvester to join the Cheerios. If you wanted to join, you had to try out, flip, jump and run until you thought you would die and then get barked at for being "lazy" by coach Sylvester, before she would even _think of_letting you join. Coach Sylvester was a bitch, and she made sure everyone knew. If you wanted to join the Cheerios you had to go through hell and back, and then once more.

So Quinn telling me that some new kid had been asked to join the cheerleading squad on her first day in here couldn't be true.

"Impossible," I said flatly. "I don't know who told you that, but they must've been fucking wasted when they did. It's impossible."

Quinn pursed her lips before speaking.

"Coach did."

I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop a few inches.

Even Quinn and I had to go through all of Coach Sylvester's shit when we wanted to join the Cheerios, and we were the two best dancers in the whole school. We had had to run the field non-stop for one hour, while the sun was burning our skin, and after that we had do to the most painful stretches and flips one can imagine. After going through that torment she _still_doubted whether we were good enough to join her army of minions.

How in _hell_ could some stupid new girl just waltz in here and get _asked_, she didn't even have to try out, she _got asked_, to join the Cheerios? Joining the cheerleading squad was one free pass to the top of the social pyramid, being _asked_by coach Sylvester to join the squad must be a free pass to heaven and beyond.

"What the…"

"That's what I thought," Quinn said, while starting to walk to class.

"This girl must be something then," I muttered in thought. I kept wondering what would be so special about this girl.

"We'll find out soon enough," the blonde next to me answered. "Coach told me she would train with us this week. I'll make sure she'll know who's in charge, though," she said with a wink before walking into her classroom.

I could only shake my head slowly from side to side, wondering what the hell was going on.

**xxxxx**

I entered the classroom and walked through the isle to the back of the class. My spot in the back of the class was still free, as usual. Everyone preferred sitting in the back of the class, but everyone also knew that that was _my_ place and everyone knew better than to take a seat on _my_chair. The last one that ever tried that had to go to the school nurse with a black eye and a nosebleed.

I made sure to sway my hips just that extra bit while walking to my place. I smiled smugly at the hungry eyes burning into my backside.

It wasn't that I actually _liked_the attention, I found it rather disgusting; those smelly, horny teenage boys drooling all over my body whenever I passed by, but I had to. It was what I had to do to keep on top of the social pyramid. My day consisted of only making fun of the unpopular kids and making sure the boys thought I was hot.

I slammed my books on top of the desk and took a seat. I could only sigh when mister Andrews, our short, chubby history teacher, clapped his hands in an attempt to getting the class' attention.

I rested my hand into the palm of my hand and watched out of the window. Mister Andrews was babbling away about some war, but I couldn't force myself to actually listen to what he was saying. From the corner of my eye I saw Puck, who was sitting in front of me, nudging Finn's shoulder next to him.

"Dude, you already seen that new girl?" he whispered. "She's fucking hot!"

Finn grinned and nodded his head. "I know, right!"

_What the fuck?_

This new girl did not only get asked to join the Cheerios, but all the boys were already drooling over her.

I pulled my right leg up, only to slam it forcefully into the back of Puck's chair a moment later.

He turned around with a questioned look in his eyes.

"What?" he hissed.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I sneered.

Puck smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry babe, you're still the hottest chick in here."

"Good boy," I said flatly, "and now shut the fuck up about that new girl before I punch you."

This time it was Finn that nudged Puck and whispered: "does that mean that I can try… you know..?"

I rolled my eyes and smacked the back of his head with my hand.

"You can try all you want, Frankenteen, but do you really think that new girl would want something with _you_? You're as big as the empire state building and you smell like a dumpsite. I must say that I haven't seen the new girl yet, but she must have a brain the size of a shrimp would she even _consider_going out with you," I could see Finn cringing with every word I spoke.

"So I advise that you make sure that you and your right hand stay good friends, because you are going to need him for a while longer. And besides, I thought you and Berry were a thing?"

Finn blushed and looked at Puck for some kind of help, but he was too busy laughing at him.

"You two are a match made in heaven, you know," I continued, "you're almost as annoying as she is and you two have kind of the same size of boobs, so you could share bra's, wouldn't that be awesome?" I clapped my hands while grinning widely.

I narrowed my eyes until his face glowed bright red and he turned around again. Puck covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to muffle his laugh. I didn't react when he turned around and gave me a quick wink.

"My place tonight?" he mouthed.

Instead of giving him an answer I raised my middle finger. I turned my body and looked out of the window again; watching boys and girls huddled together in their cliques on the schoolyard, enjoying the weather.

It wasn't like Puck and I were dating or something. We just had an… _understanding_. Whenever I felt like it, I would send him a text and we would hook up. Never at my house, though. I always went to his, that way I could leave whenever I wanted to.

I didn't do it because I loved him or even liked him _that way_, for that matter. It wasn't "making love", or "being intimate", it was just plain old fucking. No kisses, no caresses, not even eye-contact, just _fucking_.

And I was always on top. Always.

"What the hell, Lopez?" Puck whispered, clearly offended.

I scoffed and turned my gaze toward him.

"You know the rules, Puckerman. _I _will tell _you _when I come to your place. You don't have to ask me. I'm not your fucking girlfriend or something."

Puck raised his eyebrows and gave me one last look before turning around and gazing into his textbook.

A moment later I was startled by a buzzing sound coming from my bag. I searched through it until I found my phone, and swiped my thumb across the screen to unlock it. I sighed when I saw it was a text message from my mom.

**won't be home for dinner**

That was all. No "sorry" or "there's some food in the fridge". Just a "fuck you, take care of yourself", as always. I gritted my teeth while staring onto the screen.

"Miss Lopez, may I advise you to put that thing away and actually _listen_for once? This is some pretty important stuff I'm trying to teach you here. Otherwise you can come and listen to me after school," Mister Andrews' voice barged through the classroom.

The tone of his voice, along with the text from my mom made something inside of me snap, I looked him right in the eyes and sneered:

"Yah, sure. And may I advise _you_to use some kind of deodorant for once in your life, because you smell just like Frankenteen here." I pointed to Finn, then grabbed my bag and stood up.

Mister Andrews looked at me as if I was pointing a gun at him or something. I raised my eyebrow at him, and then marched out of the classroom, leaving mister Andrews along with my classmates puzzled behind.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey! Here's chapter 3! Thank you all for your alerts, but I'd really love to get some feedback, so please review and tell me what you think!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><em>CHAPTER 3<em>

After marching out of Andrews' classroom, I went straight to my spot under the bleachers. I was laying flat on my back on the ground, enjoying the warm weather and bringing my cigarette to my mouth every now and then to let the smoke coat my lungs. I could hear the talking and laughing of boys and girls further up the field.

I liked being there, alone. I could do exactly what I wanted, not having to care about other people, just lay back and enjoy the quiet and my own thoughts.

My body stiffened a little when I heard a voice speak.

"Hey."

I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked in the direction the voice came from. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was Quinn. "Oh, it's you. I was afraid that you were Berry or something," I said flatly, not really in the mood to talk.

Quinn smiled. The sun colored her usual hazel eyes a beautiful shade of green, and her blonde hair looked a few tints lighter. "I'm having a free period. Puck texted me about your stunt with Andrews," she grinned, "so I figured you'd be here."

"'Kay," I breathed, while letting the smoke come in one thin stream out of my mouth. I let my back fall back to the ground again and closed my eyes. I could hear Quinn shuffle closer.

"What's up, San?" she asked in a soft voice while she sat down next to me.

"Nothing," I immediately answered. Although my eyes were closed I knew Quinn was shooting me a skeptical look, I could feel it.

"You've never been the nice kind of person, Santana, everyone knows that," she grinned when I shot her a look, "but if you're going all Lima Heights on a teacher's ass and then just walk away, I can assure you you'll get in trouble," she spoke.

I really didn't feel like talking to Quinn. I just wanted to be left alone to enjoy my alone-time. "Shut up, Fabray," I said, hoping it would make her leave. But of course, Quinn wouldn't be Quinn if she wouldn't try again.

"Are you having trouble with your mom again?" The question was asked quietly, almost inaudible, but still hard enough for me to hear. I felt my body stiffen and the little hairs at the back of my neck rise at the question. I told Quinn that I never wanted her to ask me that kind of questions, and here she was doing just that.

"Fuck you, Quinn," I said while shooting my cigarette away between my index finger and thumb. I heard her click her tongue, but I ignored it.

_It had been a few years ago, me and Quinn were at my place, studying in my room. I thought it was safe to bring Quinn to my house, because my mom had told me the day before that she wouldn't be home until midnight, and I had cleaned the whole house the day before. But suddenly I heard the front door downstairs open and being slammed shut. A moment later I could hear the sound of cabinets being opened and slammed shut and the clinging of bottles._

_I sat frozen at my desk, unsure of what to do, but Quinn looked up, smiling brightly._

_"Hey, I think your mom's home," she chirped._

_In all the time that I had known Quinn, she had never met my mom. And the reason for that was that I would never bring Quinn with me when I knew my mom would be home, but that didn't keep her from asking me when she would get to meet her._

_"I'm going to say hi."_

_My eyes widened when Quinn jumped up from her seat and walked out of my room, determined to finally meet my mom. For a moment I was glued to my seat, debating what to do, but then I shot up and ran after her, trying to stop her, but it was already too late. Quinn stood frozen in the doorframe while she was looking at my mom._

_She lay on the couch, bottle of red wine in her hand, her hair tousled and eyes bloodshot. I clenched my jaw when she raised the bottle to her mouth and took a few big gulps. From where I stood I could see that her hands were shaking, gripping tightly onto the bottle to keep it from falling out of her hands. She hadn't even noticed us standing there._

_I don't know how long Quinn and I stood there, both frozen, she because she was obviously shocked by what she saw, and I because Quinn saw who, or rather _what _my mom was._

_Suddenly my mom turned her head in our direction, her lips red from the liquid. I felt my heart beating so loudly against my chest, I was afraid that it would crack open my ribs and fall out._

_"Why the fuck is it still such a mess here? I told you to clean up," she slurred._

_I don't know whether she chose to ignore Quinn, or that she just didn't see her, but I was glad she didn't talk to her._

_"I.. uh..," I started, unsure of what to say. I didn't want to make my mom even more angry, but I also wanted to get Quinn away from her as fast as I could._

_I was glad Quinn felt my nervousness and turned away, walking for the front door. My eyes shot back to my mom, but she was already busy drinking again, not paying me any more attention, so I turned to walk after Quinn._

_I reached for her wrist and spun her body around to face me. Her eyes were empty, there was no emotion, and it seemed like all the color had been drained from her face._

_"I'm so sorry," I whispered._

_"Don't be. I'm sorry, Santana, I had no idea."_

_"Please..," I started, but was cut off by Quinn._

_"Of course I won't," she whispered._

_Her eyes were a few tints brighter than normal, looking into mine sincerely. Quinn was a bitch, a huge one too, and I knew that she would do anything to get a little attention, and knowing this about my mom would give her plenty of opportunities to gossip and ruin my reputation to improve her own, but right there, in that moment, I knew I could trust her. I knew she wouldn't tell._

_"Thank you," I answered with a sad smile and then I closed the door softly behind her._

"Are you going to go to Puck's party this weekend?"

Her question woke me from my thoughts, but I was happy she had changed the subject. I scratched my head, Puck had asked me to come, but I hadn't really thought about whether I was going to go or not.

"I don't know," I murmured after a while.

Quinn's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "Of course you're going! Everyone will be there, everyone that matters that is. All the Cheerios and all the football players will be there," she spoke enthusiastically. "You should definitely come."

I sighed. This is what our life had become since we got to McKinley. Our whole world revolved around our social status, meeting "the right people", being liked by the jocks and being feared by the nerds. And with that came the weekly parties, where we would wear our shortest skirts and our tightest tops, making out with as many jocks as we could before going home as drunk as hell, while the equally drunk boys would text us, asking if we wanted to hook up.

She started talking again when she realized that I wouldn't be answering. "Do you remember our first weeks here?" she asked with a small smile on her lips, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

I snorted at the memory.

_Quinn and I were so excited to go to McKinley. It would open this huge door for us to meet new people, go to parties, join clubs; our high school years would be awesome. So the two of us walked into the school, our heavy backpacks on our shoulders and I remembered that we both were amazed at all the people in the hallways. They all looked so big and old compared to us._

_We huddled together with another group of freshmen, who were equally excited as we were, babbling along about how awesome that year was going to be, when I suddenly saw Quinn's eyes widen and brighten. A huge smile crossed her lips and I looked down the hall to find the source of her smile. I saw a group of girls, clothed in red-white striped outfits, waltzing through the hall, noses up high and hips swaying. It was as if all the noise in the hall had died when the girls passed._

_Suddenly the group, led by a gorgeous blonde girl with dark eyes, stopped and the blonde girl turned around to take something from the other cheerleader that was standing behind her. I squinted my eyes and I saw she was holding a cup. It was like everyone that was standing in the hall held his breath when a few seconds later the girl walked up to a dark-haired girl that was standing by her locker, a big pile of books in her one hand while trying to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose with the other. She didn't seem to notice the cheerleader walking up to her until she was tapped on her shoulder._

_I could hear Quinn gasp next to me when the brunette turned around and the blonde girl threw the contents of the cup right into her face. I could see the blonde's lips moving, snarling something at the other girl, but I couldn't hear what she said. The brunette squeezed her eyes shut and her mouth was agape while she tried to wipe the red sticky syrup from her face. All the cheerleaders, along with a few other kids in the hallway erupted in loud laughter, while others bowed their heads and almost ran out of the school hall, afraid to be slushied too._

_I looked around, wondering what the fuck was going on and why this girl just got a slushie thrown at her, when I saw Quinn staring in admiration at the group of cheerleaders that were walking away, loudly laughing._

_She hooked her arm in mine and squeezed it, then she looked up at me, eyes shining brightly. "One day Santana… One day, that'll be us," she said while her eyes glanced over to the group of extraordinary pretty girls._

"Look at us now," Quinn smiled. "Our dream came true."

Your _dream came true, Quinn._

I blew a lock of hair that was hanging in my eye away and glanced over at my friend. "Yeah, I guess it did," I said flatly, fumbling in my bag for my pack of cigarettes.

Quinn started talking again while I pulled one out and lighted it.

"You really should come, Santana."

I gritted my teeth, getting annoyed that she wouldn't stop whining about the party.

"It would give you a great chance to get closer to Puck," she said with a wide smile, like it was the most awesome thing in the world.

I scrunched up my face, looking at her a few seconds before speaking. "And why would I want to do that?" I didn't want to get _closer _to Puck. Our understanding was fine just the way it was.

"Do you have any idea how much more respect you'll get if you were dating a football player?" Quinn exclaimed as if she was talking about the most logical thing in the world. Quinn was a smart girl, but sometimes, with the way she acted, she seemed so fucking stupid.

"I don't need a sweaty football player on my arm to get respect. Everyone at this school loves me, or is afraid of me, just the way I like it. I don't need Puck," I said matter-of-factly, raising my cigarette to my lips and taking a drag. I let the smoke escape through my nostrils, enjoying the way it flew through the air.

"I know you don't need him, but think of how jealous it would make all the other girls! Do you remember their reaction when they found out I was dating Sam?"

"Yeah right, he's _such_a catch," I answered, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Quinn smacked my arm with her hand, but laughed. "Hey, he's good-looking, and he's a football player. What else can a girl wish for?"

She tapped my nose with her index finger before standing up. "Just think about it!" she said before walking away.

**XXXXX**

I pulled up into my driveway and saw my mom's car parked there, she was home early. I turned the ignition off and reached behind me for my bag. While I walked up to my front door, I looked through the window, trying to find any form of movement, but saw nothing. I sighed and turned the key in the lock, pushing the door open with a loud creak.

The house was silent. I closed the door behind me and placed my bag on the floor, then walked into the living room to find my mom asleep on the couch. The house was the same mess as when I had left that morning, aside from the added empty bottle next to the couch.

I sighed inwardly and turned around, opening the door once more and walking back to my car. I slammed the door shut with more force than needed and jammed the key in the ignition, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.

**XXXXX**

Ten minutes later, I knocked on the front door of my Abuela's house. I smiled when she opened the door, she looked _almost_happy to see me.

"_Hola, mi niña," _she greeted, stepping aside to let me in.

_"Hola, abuelita." _I stepped inside, stripping my leather jacket from my body and walking into my abuela's cozy kitchen. It smelled great, as always. I smiled when I saw several pots and pans on the furnace, containing whatever delicious food my Abuela was making.

_"Cómo estás?" _she asked while taking a glass from the cabinet and filling it with soda.

"Fine, fine," I lied.

She gave me a strange look when she sat down across from me at the small kitchen table, but handing me the soda with a smile seconds later.

I took a few sips, enjoying the cold liquid gliding down my throat. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Santana, as always." Then she cocked her head, looking like she was deeply thinking about something. A moment later she locked her eyes with mine again.

"How's your mother?" she asked, her voice hard.

I forced a smile to my lips. "Fine, too, actually. She's busy working and all, but she's fine," I lied again. I could see in my Abuela's eyes that she knew I was lying, she always knew whether I was speaking the truth or not, but she didn't argue. She never did. She would always ask me how my mom was, and I always gave her the same answer, and she always knew I was lying, but she never argued. Never. It was some kind of understanding, I would act like everything was alright, and she would too. I couldn't tell my Abuela about the real state of my mom. If I _told_her, it would make it true, and then my mom, and me too, would have put our family to shame. I couldn't do that to my Abuela, I respected her way too much for that, so I wisely kept my mouth shut.

She gave me a tight smile before shooting me another question. "How's cheerleading?"

I let out a sigh of relief, this was a way easier subject to talk about. "Great!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, "I'm head cheerleader now. Coach Sylvester's been really happy with me." I saw a small glint of pride twinkling in her dark brown eyes.

"Good," she spoke. The little twinkle would be all that I got. My Abuela wasn't the nice kind of grandmother that threw around compliments, people that didn't knew her even said she was an evil lady. But I knew she wasn't. She'd been through a lot, she'd had a rough life, and that had left its mark on her. But because of that, because she went through all that shit without ever asking someone else's help, I respected her.

I stood up walking over to the furnace and taking the lid off of one of the pots. I saw some kind of fish in a dark sauce, and I honestly didn't have a clue what it was, but it smelled delicious.

"This smells great," I said, turning around to face my Abuela.

"You can take a plate if you want," she said, while looking through a magazine.

"Thanks," I chirped. My stomach was rummaging. I hadn't eaten that much that day, only the cereal in the morning and lunch at school, that was it. I took a spoon and scooped the food on a plate, my mouth already watering. I sat down at the table again and started eating, while glancing around the house every now and then.

My Abuela's house wasn't big, but it was cozy. Nice, warm, inviting; ironically everything that my Abuela wasn't. But still, I felt more at home here than at my own house.

**XXXXX**

An hour or so later I was back home again, the house still quiet. I peeked into the living room, but I didn't see anything because it had already become dark outside and all the lights were off, so I walked further into the room. I could make out a figure laying on the couch.

_Fuck, she didn't even got up since I left._

I sneaked closer until I saw my mom laying on the couch, still fast asleep. I closed my eyes a second and sighed inwardly, then I reached for the blanket that was on the ground and draped it over my mother's sleeping body. I wanted to bend forward, to give her a small kiss on the top of her head, but something inside of me stopped me. I didn't know whether it was my head or my heart, but one of them stopped me, so instead, I turned around and walked up the stairs and into my room.

I stripped out of my clothes, not bothering to take off my make-up but just jumped right into bed, ready to fall into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! Santana will meet Brittany in the next chapter, I'm excited to write it. Let me know what you thought of this chapter!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Chapter 4 is here guys! I had already finished it a few days ago, but I didn't want to post it until I started writing chapter 5. But here it is!**

**Please review, and enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>CHAPTER 4<em>

It was mid-day when I walked into mister Schuester's classroom for Spanish class. I must've been a little early because Schuester wasn't even there yet. I chewed hard on my bubblegum and walked down the aisle to the back of the class. I stopped in my tracks when I saw a backpack lying on my table, accompanied by a blonde girl sitting on the chair. _My _chair. I felt my blood start to boil and stomped to the girl, fuming.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I snarled, making wild gestures with my hand. "Are you fucking retarded? Get the fuck away from..." I couldn't finish my sentence because I heard someone enter the classroom.

I turned around to see Schuester smiling widely at me. "Hi, Santana!" he chirped. "I see you've already met our new student, Brittany."

I arched an eyebrow at him. He was _way _too cheerful for my liking.

"Yeah, I told her she could sit there, seeing she's new and all, and since you're a fluent Spanish speaker I thought that you might help her a little," he smiled, before turning to the whiteboard and started scribbling.

I was still fuming when I turned to the girl again. I opened my mouth to sneer at her again, but then our eyes locked and the only think I could do was close my mouth again. My brain and body clashed, my brain wanting to yell and scream at her, but my body not allowing it. I felt frozen in place. I opened my mouth several times, trying to say something, but no words came out. I could only look into her blue eyes, which stared back at me. I had never seen such eyes ever before.

_So fucking blue_

"I-.. I-.. I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your place. I-… I'll move," she averted her eyes and stood up and shoved her books to the desk next to the one she was sitting at seconds before.

I blinked a few times, wondering what the hell just had happened. That must've been the strangest feeling I'd ever had. When I opened my eyes it was like the whole classroom was one big blur, I could only see _her_. She had sat down at the desk next to mine.

"Here. I'm sorry," she stammered while gesturing for me to take place next to her.

My eyebrows furrowed and I felt a crease forming at my forehead.

_What the fuck…_

I moved towards my table, setting my books on the desk and taking place on the chair. I shot her another quick look, trying to figure out what it was about this girl that seemed so… off. I averted my eyes when her blue eyes looked back, and moved my hand to my head, looking everywhere but at her. I suddenly felt a heat starting at my toes creeping up my body, making my skin tingle. I clenched my jaw and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

I could see her shift on her chair from out of the corner of my eyes. I felt her eyes burn into my side before she started talking.

"You're Santana, right?" her voice sounded soft. "I am Brittany; I'm on the Cheerios too."

She held out her hand for me to shake it. I turned and her gaze caught mine, making my body tense again. Something inside of me wanted to take that hand, shake it and smile at her. Something inside of me wanted to get to know her. Know where she came from, what things she liked, what she didn't like.  
><em><br>Hurt people before they can hurt you._

I tore my eyes from hers and glanced down at her outstretched hand. I felt my body start to relax a little again, and suddenly it felt like I had control over my brain again.

_She must be up to something. _Never_ trust people, Santana._

My lips curled into a smug smile and my eyes narrowed. This time, when I opened my mouth, the words_ did_come out.

"Yeah, well _Brittany_, we'll see how long you'll last. And knowing that I'm the head cheerleader, I´d say… not very long," I spat her name out like it was the dirtiest kind of food on earth.

She looked hurt, eyes widened and a pout on her lips when I started speaking.

_Still got it._

I smiled a little at myself, happy that I found my words again.

"Now, if you would like to be so kind to shut the fuck up," I said while fumbling through my bag, looking for my earphones. When I plugged them in I saw that the other kids had already arrived and were now busy talking while taking their books out of their bags and slamming them onto their desks. I was so caught up in the moment before that I hadn't even noticed. Even Puck and Finn had taken place in front of us. I shrugged while flicking through my playlist, looking for a song. I glanced next to me once again, where Brittany was still looking hurt, and pulled one earphone out of my ear.

"Oh, and for the record _Brittany_," I spat again, "if you _ever_ sit down on _my _chair again, I will ends you."

I put the earphone into my ear again and sat back in my chair. I knew the new girl must've been scared shitless, but she had to know who was in charge here.

In front of me, Finn turned around. He must've heard me talking to her, because he looked at her with an apologetic smile.

This was my chance to deliver the final blow. I had to do it.

I leant forward in my seat, "hey Finnocence," I whispered, but just loud enough for the girl next to me to hear. "I think you should ask her out. You two fit perfect together. Even better than you and that dwarf, because you know, Brittany here has the same amount of brain cells as you!" I said as if it was some kind of miracle. I paused for a second before adding, "three!" I smiled widely. Finn turned around without saying a thing and from the corner of my eyes I saw Brittany's shoulders slump.

I was certain she wouldn't bother me for the rest of the hour, so I took my chance to look at her. Her slightly curled blonde hair ended somewhere below her shoulders and her skin had a pale, cream colored tone. She wore a light blue top with a picture of a duck on it, and ripped skinny jeans. On her feet were brightly colored high-tops. Aside from the fact that I found her style of clothing way too "happy", I had to admit that the girl was breathtakingly beautiful. She reminded me of the head cheerleader I saw in the hall when I was a freshman, only Brittany's eyes were blue. The bluest ones I'd ever seen in my life.

She must've felt I was staring at her, because suddenly she looked at me, but luckily a little raise of my eyebrow to make her turn around again. I made sure I didn't stare at her anymore for the rest of the hour.

**XXXXX**

It was lunchtime at McKinley and Quinn and I were hanging out at the schoolyard, plates of food in front of us and ice cold slushy's in our hands. I sipped from my slushy, enjoying the drink cooling me from the warm weather.

"So, have you seen her yet?" Quinn asked while sliding her huge sunglasses up her nose. She looked a bit like a fly. I wanted to say something about it, but I knew she wanted me to answer her question. I knew she was talking about the new girl.

"Yup," I said, spooning some of my salad into my mouth.

Quinn raised her eyebrows and wiggled her hand in front of my face, waiting for me to continue.

"What?"

"What what? Tell me!" she exclaimed and slammed her cup on the table.

I really had no idea what I should tell her. I myself didn't even understand what it was with this girl, so how was I supposed to tell Quinn? So instead of telling her how fucking beautiful the girl's eyes were and about the way she made my skin tingle during Spanish class that day and how baffled I was, I just kept it simple:

"She's weird."

Quinn sighed, visibly irritated that I didn't give her a full description about the new girl. "How do you mean she's weird?"

"I don't know," I answered. It was the truth, I knew something was off with that girl, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Do you think she's after your spot as head cheerleader?" she asked.

I pursed my lips, thinking about it. She didn't seem like the snarky bitch type, the way she had extended her hand to me a few hours ago, her bright eyes looking at me so full of hope, it looked like she wanted to become friends.

_Never trust people  
><em>  
>I shook my head a few times, not bothering that Quinn was still waiting for an answer, clearing my head.<p>

_But all that could just as easy be a façade, all a part of her plan to take my spot as head cheerleader._

"I don't know," I answered. "I don't think so. I barked at her for five minutes straight, so if she ever thought about it, I'm sure she's too scared to do it now."

Quinn smiled at me, and I forced a smile back, but somewhere in the back of my head I still kept wondering about what the fuck had happened that afternoon in Mister Schue's classroom.

**XXXXX**

I had math last period, but I really didn't feel like going, so I decided to skip the lesson. I walked through the school hall, keys already in my hand, when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks by the sound of music coming from some of the classrooms. I piqued my interest, so I kept walking, coming closer to the source of the sound. I stopped in front of the classroom where glee club was held, and glanced around the hall, looking if there was someone that could see me. When I knew I was alone I peeked through the little window in the door. I expected to see a bunch of losers clapping in their hands like they were retarded while listening to Rachel Berry singing one of her Barbra songs, but what I really saw was anything but that.

Inside was Brittany, clad in grey shorts and a super tight white tank top, moving her body to the beat of the music. I looked if there was someone else in the room with her, but she was alone. It was just her and the music. She had her eyes closed and swayed her hips while twirling her body around. Her blonde hair that was tied together in a messy ponytail whipped around with her movements.

I felt my jaw drop a few inches when I watched her. She looked so intense, so pure, and so passionate while moving her body from side to side. I stepped closer to the window, giving myself a better look at her.

The music intensified, the beat pumping louder through the room, and so did her movements.

My eyes roamed her body, amazed with the strong muscles I saw in her arms and her calves. Somehow my glance fell to her breasts, which heaved up and down with every move she made, and I felt the tingles from a few hours before crawl over my body again. I tore my eyes away and stepped away from the door, blocking Brittany from my view. At that exact moment the music stopped in the room. I felt my pulse quicken, afraid that she might've seen me, so I took a dash through the hall, fumbling my phone out of my bag in the process.

My thumbs moved furiously over the touch-screen, tapping out a message.

**at your place in 10. Make sure you're there.**

I marched over the parking lot, got into my car and sped over to Puck's place, my body still trembling and goose bumps across my skin. I cranked up the stereo in an attempt to get my mind off of things and pressed my foot hard into the gas pedal.

I got there in less than ten minutes, but he was at home nonetheless. Only his pick-up truck was parked on the driveway, which meant his mother wasn't at home.

I almost dashed to his front door and knocked impatiently. A moment later he opened the door, a smirk across his face and eyes already hooded. I pushed him back inside, and slid my body against his, pinning him to the wall. I heard him laugh approvingly when his hands roamed my body, sliding my leather jacket of off my arms.

"Someone's hungry for the Puckzilla," he breathed.

I ignored him and instead moved my hands to the hem of his shirt and pulled upward, wanting to do it quickly. I needed him to make me feel there was nothing wrong with me, that I was _normal_. I needed to get all these crazy thoughts and feelings out of my system, and he was the one that was going to help me.

After I had slid the fabric of his odor soaked shirt over his muscular arms and his head, he moved his face towards mine, trying to capture my lips with his. I was quicker though, and moved my face to the side, evading his lips.

"Fuck you, Puckerman, you know the rules," I hissed.

I only got a guttural grunt as an answer as he moved his hands over my hips and further upward, cupping my breasts with his palms. I winced a little at the force with which he groped my breasts. It wasn't tender or loving; he just grabbed them with brute force and rubbed his erection against my thigh.

I needed something to get the thought of Brittany dancing in that classroom out of my mind. I just wanted that my head was clear. No thoughts. So I did the only thing I knew that would work and took his hand from my right breast and pushed it downwards, under my skirt and into my panties.

His fingers slid against my still dry folds, and when I noticed he wanted to push his fingers inside, I grabbed his hand again and pulled it a bit back, so that his fingers hovered over my clit. Then I pushed my pelvis against his hand while he kept rubbing his erection against me.

His movements were rough, uncontrolled, but still I felt my eyes close at the sensation of his fingertips stroking my clit. I heard his breathing get heavier, so I pushed him off of me and dragged him into the living room, to the couch. I pushed him, so he was lying flat on his back, grinning up at me with a dopey smile. I could see his erection through his jeans. I tore my eyes away from it and pushed my panties down, but kept my Cheerios skirt on.

Puck was already fumbling with his belt buckle and a few seconds later his jeans were on the floor, along with his boxers. He jerked his cock while I took my Cheerios top off and unclasped by bra, then he took a condom from his jeans and put it on. His eyes widened in excitement when I climbed on top of him. I outstretched my hand and reached for his cock, giving it a few jerks before positioning myself right above him. He panted loudly when I lowered myself on top of him. I entered only the tip first, then lowered myself all the way down. His hands grabbed my hips, pushing them up and down while thrusting into me. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, not wanting to see him, not wanting to feel him, but just clear my mind.

Hearing his pants and thrusts become louder and louder, I knew he was close, but I didn't want him to come before me, so I moved my hand to my clit and started rubbing it. With my other hand I swatted his hands from my hips, taking the lead. His hips stopped thrusting and instead I started moving up and down, up and down.

The feeling of my fingers rubbing furiously against my clit made me forget all that had happened the past day, and when my mind finally became blank, I tumbled over the edge, and came with a small cry.

I stilled my movements right after my orgasm and climbed off of him, and he looked up at me with a baffled expression.

"What the fuck, Santana?" He panted out loud. "I didn't even…"

"I don't care," I deadpanned, pulling my panties up over the curve of my hips.

"C'mon, Lopez. Can you at least finish it?" he asked, dick in hand, when I reached for my Cheerios top.

"I think you're perfectly capable of doing that yourself," I snarled, pointing at his hand. Then I turned around and walked out of the house without saying another word.

**XXXXX**

A week later Quinn and I ran side by side along the training field, Coach Sylvester barking at us and the other girls from the other side of the field.

"God, I think I'm going to die," Quinn panted.

"Shut up, Fabray," I breathed, wiping my hand across my brow to wipe away the sweat.

Quinn shot me an angry look, but kept running. A moment later Coach growled that we had to stop running and start stretching again, indicating the end of our 2-hour training.

"Okay, everyone pick a partner and help each other stretch," I commanded the other Cheerios. I heard Quinn huff next to me, but she still swung her leg up in the air and caught her toes in her hand.

Coach Sylvester paraded towards us, not looking very content, so I prepared for the worst.

"Okay, you lazy worms, that was worthless, as usual! I want you to leave this field because watching you fail every and every time here on this precious Cheerios training field makes me want to scratch my eyeballs out and feed them to my dog," she barked through her megaphone.

Me, along with all the other Cheerios stopped stretching immediately and started to cross the field to the locker rooms. "Finally," I sighed, throwing my towel over my shoulders. Quinn and I walked side by side, a few other Cheerios in tow, the sun pricking our skin and making small droplets of sweat fall down our bodies.

"So, how long do you give the new girl?" she asked with a smug grin plastered on her face.

I was too tired and hot to understand what she was talking about, so I just shot her a questioning look.

"Before she quits," she explained herself further.

"Oh…," I started. I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. Speak of the devil, your Bieber boy over there seems to like her," I laughed and nodded my head to the side of the field, where Sam had stopped Brittany and was now talking to her with an extremely dopey smile on his face. His shoulder leant casually against the brick wall, while his eyes roamed the blonde girl's body shamelessly.

"What the hell?" Quinn exclaimed. "What the fuck does she think she's doing? That bitch is mine."

I wanted to stop her, and point her to the fact that it seemed more like Sam was interested in Brittany than the other way around, but she was too fast and had already run into the locker rooms, probably thinking about various ways to kill the other blonde. I shot Sam and Brittany one last look, and then walked into the locker rooms myself. I found a furious, fuming Quinn sitting on the bench.

"Calm your tits, Fabray," I said when I walked up to her. "I don't see the problem here."

Quinn didn't take it as lightly as I did; I noticed that when her anger flashed eyes looked up into mine.

"That bitch shouldn't think that she can just hop in here, join the Cheerios, make heads turn and also flirt with my boyfriend!" she yelled.

I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off when the door opened and Brittany shuffled inside. I saw Quinn shoot up and lunge for the other blonde, but it all happened so fast that I couldn't stop her. I saw Brittany's eyes widen when Quinn pushed her into the lockers with a loud slam. I heard all the other Cheerios around us gasp in surprise, huddling closer to get a better view at the spectacle in front of them.

"Let me make one thing very clear to you, new girl," Quinn growled. "You give Sam one more look, and I will kill you. Not quickly, but very, very slowly, that's more fun. Am I clear?" She made a step backwards, giving the other girl some space to breathe.

I stood frozen in place as the other girl nodded. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped when I came to the realization that she was going to say something.

_This girl is so dead…_

The last girl that opened her mouth after Quinn had threatened her had to switch schools because Quinn would wait for her every day after school with a fresh slushy clutched in her hand. The girl had to bring an extra pair of clothes every day, because every single day she would be covered in sticky syrup because of Quinn.

I could only watch as Quinn lunged for her again, and slamming her back into the lockers. I saw Brittany's face contract in pain as Quinn looked down on her, anger flashing through her eyes, and her fist slammed into one of the lockers, inches from Brittany's face.

"Don't act all innocent on me, you little bitch," she snarled through gritted teeth. "You think you can just waltz in here and take what I've worked for for years?" Her voice echoed through the locker room, making even the other Cheerios flinch. Quinn's fist slammed into the lockers again, even closer to Brittany's head than before. I saw the other blonde cringe in fear.

"You," Quinn pointed her index finger just a few inches from her face, "are going to make sure that I don't see, hear, or even smell you, or I'll make your life a living hell."

When I looked at Brittany again, my eyes caught hers, they were brimming with unshed tears, threatening to fall any minute. Her eyes, which were so full of hope not so long ago, now were only filled with fear, pleading me to help her. I felt the little hairs at my neck rise under her glare. I felt tingles all over my body, like little ants that were moving under my skin. It felt like my eyes were sucked into hers, and I couldn't do anything. Just stand there.

Until I saw Quinn moving her fist backwards again, ready to slam into the lockers a third time, and something deep inside jolted me, making me lunge forward, grabbing her fist tightly in mine before she could move it.

I jumped a little when Quinn snapped her head to face me, eyes full of aggression.

"What the hell, Santana!" she yelled, wiggling her fist, trying to break it free from my grasp. I looked my friend straight in the eyes, not blinking once. Her normally soft hazel eyes were a few tints darker now and her cheeks were flushed by the adrenaline.

"Let her go, Quinn," I demanded. Although I was shaking myself too, not really knowing what the hell I was doing, my voice came out strong.

I heard one of the Cheerios that were behind us gasp in anticipation after I spoke. They weren't used to me stopping Quinn from scaring someone. Usually I was the one that _helped_her. And here I was, her fist clenched in mine, standing up for some stupid new girl.

Quinn's brow furrowed even deeper and she looked like she was going to let Brittany walk and kill me instead. I had never seen my best friend so angry at me, but I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't stand there watching her terrorize Brittany while she was looking at me like that. Normally, I wouldn't have even cared about Quinn scaring the shit out of someone, but this time was different. Something in Brittany's eyes made me stop Quinn from doing her any more harm.

"What the fuck?" Quinn spat in my face, still trying to break her fist free. I didn't budge, and wrapped my fist even tighter around hers. Brittany didn't say a thing, just stood there with her back against the lockers, looking from Quinn to me and back.

"It's enough. Let her go."

Quinn leered at me for another moment, before huffing and turning around. She straightened her Cheerios uniform and reached for her towel.

I kept watching Quinn, afraid that she would lunge at Brittany again in a second. I already clenched my fists when she turned around, but then I saw she was only going to say something.

"You got my drift there, new girl?"

Brittany could only nod and then looked around the locker room once more before running through the door. Before she turned I could see some fresh tears sliding down her cheek. Something inside of me wanted to go after her, make sure she was okay, but I luckily was stopped from that idea by Quinn.

"What the hell was that, Santana?" she yelled.

I sighed, pushing my brain to search for a good explanation. I clenched my jaw for a moment, looking around the locker room. Everyone was watching me in anticipation, waiting for an answer. I took a deep sigh and then opened my mouth to speak.

"She's on our team now," I started slowly, "whether you like it or not, she's a part of our team and we'll have to act like a team with her." I stopped to look at all the Cheerios, one by one, making sure they knew they were listening to the head cheerleader speaking. "I'm not going to lose Nationals because you decided to kill one of our team members."

Quinn looked at me through narrowed eyes for what seemed like an entire minute, before huffing.

"Fine," she snarled, still angry. Then she yanked her bag from the bench and stomped out of the locker room.

All the other Cheerios turned around and started to get their uniforms off. I sighed in relief that I could come up with such an explanation. It made sense, and I didn't have to tell my best friend that somewhere deep inside of me I actually felt bad for the other girl.

But that was something Santana Lopez would _never _say out loud of course.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!<strong>  
><strong>Chapter 5 will be up soon.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

_CHAPTER 5_

I closed the door of the clammy locker room with a relieved sigh, happy to be out of there and away from the prying eyes of the other Cheerios. I knew they were confused about why their head cheerleader had just stood up for some new girl, but they all were too scared to ask me why. Being the head cheerleader had its advantages. I grinned at that thought when I rummaged through my bag, looking for my class schedule. When I saw that my next class would be Spanish, I silently cursed myself for choosing Spanish instead of French. Now I had Spanish, which was with Brittany. I debated just skipping the lesson, but that would be the third lesson I'd skip that week, and it was only Tuesday, so instead I dragged myself to my locker to get my books. When I opened it, my eye fell to a photo of me and Quinn pasted to the back wall of my locker. The picture had been taken in our freshman year. We both looked so young, Quinn's eyes seemed so much brighter than they were now, sparkling with joy. The only times I would see that sparkle now was whenever she felt the envious glances of the other girls burning into her back. I swallowed when I realized how much my best friend had changed.

"Santana, are you coming?"

I woke from my thoughts by Mister Schuester's voice, sounding hollow in the empty hall. I tore my gaze from the picture and whipped my head around and saw Mister Schue standing at the other end of the hall. He held the door to his classroom open, waiting for me to come in.

"Yeah, sure. Coming," I replied, then closed my locker and walked into the classroom.

I didn't see Puck's horny smirk, Rachel's widened eyes or Finn's dumb expression when I entered the room, instead my eye fell instantly on the blonde sitting in the back. Even from where I stood, in the front of the classroom, I could see the tearstains on her cheeks.

She was looking out of the window, the palm of her hand cradling her face. I saw she was clenching her jaw, probably to fight any more tears. I took a deep breath to steady myself, and then walked through the isle to the back. Her eyes blinked to me once, before turning back to the window again. I cleared my throat and sat down, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

In front of me, Puck turned around and gave me a quick wink. "Hey babe." Then he nodded his head curtly towards Brittany and raising one eyebrow, as if to say "what the hell is wrong with her?"

I just looked at him with a disgusted look on my face, "turn around, Puckerman." He gave me a questioning look, but then obliged.

All the while the blonde girl next to me still hadn't moved. I allowed myself to steal a quick glance and when I saw her sad face, along with the unshed tears brimming in her eyes, I felt my insides twist. I felt the heat creep up my cheeks when I suddenly realized I felt a really strong need to say something. Anything. So I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, then made sure that no one could hear me talk to her, but a quick look around the classroom told me that everyone was listening intently to Mister Schuester talking about adjectives or something.

I turned my body slightly towards her before I spoke. "Are… Are you okay?" It came out shaky, almost nervous. Maybe that was because I _was_ nervous. But that didn't make sense. I had nothing to be nervous about, but one way or another this girl seemed to bring out feelings inside of me no one else had ever done.  
><em><br>_I saw her tense when I started speaking, but she recovered rather quickly and turned her head away from the window, locking her gloomy eyes with mine. I felt chills run all over my body when a small smile formed at her lips and the sadness in her eyes seemed to dissipate a bit.

"Yeah…," she cleared her throat before continuing, "I'm fine. Thank you. That was nice of you." Her voice sounded so small, so breakable.

I averted my eyes to my bag, reaching into it and finding a package of tissues. I pulled one out and offered it to her. "Here, wipe your eyes," it sounded a bit strange, coming from me, but she didn't seem to care, because her smile grew wider, showing me a white row of perfect teeth.

Seeing her smile made me feel a smile of my own tug at my lips. And honestly, it scared the shit out of me. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, I didn't know what she was up to, and here she was, the new girl I had only known for a week or two, plastering a smile on my face.

_Maybe Quinn is right, maybe she does want to get my spot as head cheerleader_

My smile fell as quickly as it came. I saw the questions popping up in Brittany's eyes at my sudden change of mood, but I turned my body away from her without saying another word.

"Thank you, Santana."

My heart thumped loudly in my chest, so loud that I was afraid she would hear it, and I felt like I was sitting in front of a huge campfire, the flames heating my skin.

_Get your shit straight, Santana_

I had to stop acting like this, I had to act normal. So I did what I was good at.

"Well, don't get used to it," I snarled at her, but avoiding eye contact.

She looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't blame her, I would be confused too if someone was nice to me and seconds later acting like a bitch, but I couldn't help myself. One side of me wanted to get to know her, be nice to her, but the other side didn't trust her.

I saw her shoulders slump and her eyes moved to the window again.

A pang of guilt shot through me, and I mentally punched myself in the face for confusing myself so much. Whenever I was nice to her, that little voice in the back of my head spoke up again, telling me that I shouldn't trust her, but when I bitched at her I felt guilty. It was so damn annoying that it made me clench my fists tightly on my desk._  
><em>  
>I had to do something to get my mind off of things, so I decided to actually listen to what Schuester was saying for once. Not that it mattered, because I was a fluent Spanish speaker, but this way I didn't have to think about the sad blonde next to me that much.<p>

"So, I want you to take your textbooks and I want you to answer the questions on page twelve," the man with the curly hair said when he finished his speech about adjectives.

When I reached for my bag to take out my textbook, I noticed that Brittany was sniffing quietly next to me. Tears rolled slowly down her cheeks and her eyes were bloodshot.

_Damn, she's crying_

This was my fault. I wanted to do something, but me being me, didn't know how to handle situations like this. I wanted to make her feel better, but we were sitting in a full classroom, with people who could see us. People who could see Santana Lopez actually _caring_about someone's feelings. I couldn't do that. So instead I reached for her textbook, which was full of doodles of all sorts of ducks, and opened it at page twelve, then I shoved the book under her nose. "Here, do you want me to help you?" I immediately glanced around the room, looking if someone might've heard my offer, luckily no one did.

I furrowed my brow when I didn't seem to get an answer, she just kept sniffing. So I reached my hand for her arm, wanting to touch her softly to get her attention, but instead it felt like an electric jolt shot through my entire body. It started at the tip of my index finger, and then shot through the rest of my body, ending at my toes. My eyes widened at the feeling, and I could only watch my hand, completely baffled.

It took a few moments before the shock ebbed away, and when I raised my eyes I caught her looking at her arm, right where I had touched her, with the same dumbstruck expression on her face.

_What the hell_

Then her gaze shifted from her arm to me, and she looked right into my eyes. "Did you… Did you feel that?"

It felt like my eyes were being sucked into hers, pulling me forward until I would eventually drown in those bright blue pools.

_"Santanita, listen to me, if there is one thing that I have learned in my life, is to never let people in. Never open up to someone or make yourself vulnerable. 'Cause when you open up to people, they see your weaknesses. And when people know your weaknesses, they will use them against you to hurt you. You'll be helpless. It's better to hurt people before they hurt you, that way they know not to mess with you. Believe me, mi niña."_

I ripped my gaze away from hers, forcing myself to look at something, anything but her. I could still feel her gaze burning into my side along with the tingles in the tips of my fingers and I knew that she wanted me to look at her again. But I didn't.

**XXXXX**

An hour later I walked out of the school, into the sun in the parking lot, a cigarette in the corner of my mouth. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Quinn, leaning on the hood of my car. I couldn't see her expression, because she was wearing those huge sunglasses again, but a look at her lips that were nothing more than a thin line on her face, I could see she was still mad at me.

I sighed, but kept walking, bracing myself for what would come. I didn't cringe when she jumped off of the hood and started yelling again.

"What the hell were you thinking, Santana? What is wrong with you?"

"Calm the fuck down, Fabray," although I really wanted to yell back at her, I managed to keep my voice calm.

"How can you say that when you just humiliated me in front of the whole team?"

When she lifted the sunglasses from her nose, I could see her cheeks start to flush from the anger again. I really needed to let her calm down if I didn't want her to bust the windows out my car.

"Quinn, listen to me. Calm down. I didn't want you to feel humiliated, but you were going too far, okay?"

She scrunched up her face when I said the last part.

"And since when do you think that people go too far? I don't know if you remember, Santana, but you're the one that's bitching all day at everyone that only looks at you."

She was right. In terms of scaring people shitless, I was a hundred times worse than Quinn. Quinn and I were very much alike, actually. The biggest difference between us was that she mocked people because she enjoyed it, because she _wanted_it because she knew it would get her more respect from the popular kids, and a raise on the social ladder.

I, on the other hand, did it to protect myself. Ever since I was a little kid I had learnt to stand up for myself, even if it wasn't necessary. Therefore I made sure people shut the hell up before they even got a chance to say something.

But that day in the locker room, when Quinn kept punching her fist into that locker and making the other girl's face scrunch up in fear, I just needed to stop her. But I knew that it wasn't just because Quinn was "going too far". Deep inside, I knew that if it had been another girl standing there, back pressed against the lockers, I would've let Quinn have her way with her. I wouldn't have cared. But this time, something in the blonde's eyes ignited something inside of me and made me lunge forward.

I knew I owed Quinn an explanation, and I knew I had to make her calm down. But I couldn't tell her the truth, it was all too confusing, I didn't even understand it myself, let alone Quinn. So I just repeated what I had said that afternoon in the locker room.

"I just really want to win Nationals. And if we want to win, we have to act like a team. I can't have you go all Lima Heights on one of our team members, Q," I stopped for a second when I saw something that looked like jealousy flash through her eyes. It was brief, but I was sure it was there. I wasn't sure whether she was jealous of Brittany that I stood up for her or that she was jealous of me being the head cheerleader and that I was the one that could tell her what to do.

I took a breath before I continued. "You can kill her after Nationals if you want, okay?" I said with a grin, hoping it would make her laugh.

She kept still for a few seconds, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the corners of her mouth tugging up and a smile crossed her face.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Now give me a ride to Breadstix, I'm meeting Sam there."

That was it. The one moment she looked like she wanted to kill me and peel my skin off of my bones, and the other moment she acted like nothing happened. Maybe it was because we had been friends for such a long time. However, I was happy she wasn't mad anymore, so I held the door open for her to get in, and drove to Breadstix.

**XXXXX**

I closed the front door behind me with a relieved sigh. It was Friday, which meant it was the beginning of the weekend. After all the drama with Quinn and Brittany, and school and Cheerios practice, I was happy to have two full days of doing exactly nothing. I stripped my leather jacket from my body and peeked into the living room. My happy mood subsided almost immediately when I saw my mom laying on the couch, watching TV and a cigarette stuck in the corner of her mouth. What really made my heartbeat speed up was the sight of an almost empty bottle of red wine standing next to the coffee table. I cautiously stepped into the living room, not wanting to make my mom jump.

"Hi mom," I said quietly.

After a moment, she tore her gaze away from the TV and looked at me. I clenched my jaw at the sight of her empty and emotionless bloodshot eyes. She didn't say a thing; instead she turned her head to the TV again and ignored me. I sighed and took a step into her direction, thinking of something to say to her. I wanted to start a conversation with her, make sure she was still alive or something. At seeing her tired expression I asked the first thing that came to my mind:

"Would you like some coffee or something?"

Wrong question. My mom bent forward and reached for the bottle standing on the ground. When she got it, she raised it to her lips and downed the bit that was still in there, then she motioned me to take the now empty bottle from her.

"Get me another," she said, eyes glued to the TV.

I stood there for a second, doubting what to do. My mom didn't say a thing, she just sat there, bringing her cigarette to her mouth every now and then to take a deep pull. At first I wanted to refuse, but then I remembered what had happened the last time I refused to do something, and I quickly made my way into the kitchen. I walked up to the counter, resting my hands there and just standing there for a while.

It hadn't always been like that. Yeah, my mom has had _problems_ever since I could remember, but it never was as bad as it was now. I don't know why my mom had started drinking, she'd been ever since I was a kid, and I was too young to understand. When I was really young, my mom and I had a strong bond, but somewhere along the way she started drinking, and with that our connection deteriorated.

My dad however… My dad meant everything to me. He took me to parks, we played catch, he took me to soccer games and cheered for me at dance competitions. He was my best friend.

I can remember the day that he left like it was yesterday. I came home from school, and I almost tripped over the suitcases standing in the hall. When I walked further into the house I saw my dad sitting on the couch with an empty expression on his face. His eyes were glassy and I could see that he had been crying. When he noticed that I had walked in, he looked up at me and gave me a sad smile.

"I am so proud of you," he said.

I had no clue why he said that, but from the look on my dad's face along with the suitcases I could tell something terrible was going to happen.

Then he stood up and walked up to me, crouched to my level and wrapped his strong arms around me. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him too, and suddenly I knew what was going to happen. My eyes filled with tears and I strengthened my grip on my dad.

"Please don't go, daddy. It will be alright, I promise."

I heard my dad sniff before he released me. He looked me in the eyes and I could see that he was fighting to keep his tears from falling.

"I'm so, _so _sorry, _mija_. But I hope that one day you'll understand. I just can't live like this."

He stood up and walked into the hall and reached for the suitcases.

"Daddy, don't leave!" I ran after him, desperately trying to stop him, but the only thing I got was an "I love you" and then he walked out of the door.

I must've been seven years old then. Since he left, everything went downhill. My mother started drinking more and more, and she got depressed. And then the only thing she did was sleep, drink and work, leaving me to take care of myself. My Abuela kind of knew what was going on, but she never talked about it or _named_it, instead she just told me that it would be better that I would go to her place after school and stay there for dinner. I knew that our situation wasn't healthy, and although I was too young to really understand, I knew something was wrong with my mom. Whenever the kids at school would ask me why my Abuela was the one that always got me out of school instead of my mom I told them that my mom had a really busy job, making tons of money. The truth, however, was that my mom would spend her days in bed or on the couch, sleeping or drinking all her sorrow away, and the eight hours a day that she was sober, she was working her ass of in the diner, serving other people.

When I got older, I understood what my mom's problem was, and why she was how she was all the time. Although I really didn't have a bond with my mom, I somehow felt responsible for her. If she couldn't take care of herself, I had to do it.

That it meant that I had to clean the house and cook dinner wasn't the worst part of my mom's problem. The worst thing was that I never knew how she was feeling, and how she would react to me. The one day she would be quiet, but the other day she could snap and lash out at anything. I was never prepared for how she could react.

When I was younger, I always wondered why my dad had left us. What made him do it. I knew my mom and dad fought almost every day, and I knew my mom wasn't really nice to my dad, but I always thought they would work it out and that we could be a family again.

Now, I understand why my dad left. Because now I'm going through the same things he went through; the drinking, the mood swings, the whole mess. I understand why he left, because sometimes I want to leave, too. I understand, but that doesn't take away that I hate him for leaving me behind in this mess.

I raised my hand to wipe a tear from my cheek.

_Pull yourself together_

I closed my eyes for a second, making the unshed tears dry and banning all thoughts from my mind. I needed a distraction.

I took the bottle from the counter top, opened it, and walked back into the living room. I handed the bottle to my mother, who poured another glass immediately, and then I walked out of the living room and upstairs, to my room. I took the shortest skirt and the tightest top I could find out of my closet and put them on. I applied a layer of lip gloss on my lips and then turned around, and walked downstairs again.

"I'm going to a party, have a good night."

I don't know whether my mom didn't hear me over the sound of the TV or that she just ignored me, but I couldn't care less. I just needed to get out of the house. I put on my jacket and lighted a cigarette, then walked out of the house and made my way to Puck's place for one of his weekly parties.

**XXXXX**

The party must've been already in full swing, because I could hear the sound of loud music and the laughter of drunken teenagers two blocks away from Puck's house. I intentionally left my car at home, because my body was so full of adrenaline because of the anger, sadness and confusion, so I thought it would be a good idea to walk it off. Besides, Puck's house wasn't that far from mine. I could see the broad figures of football players, dressed in their letterman jackets, standing in Puck's front yard, all talking loudly, trying to get over the sound of the music. When I came closer I saw that the front yard was already covered with empty beer cans and cigarette butts, so I contributed by throwing my cigarette butt with it.

I wrestled myself through the mass of bodies to the front door, hearing people call my name in the process. I just smiled, not feeling like making small talk, but just wanting to go inside and get a drink. The strong beats pounded through my ears when I walked through the smoke-filled house. The place was packed with football players and the prettiest girls of our school. I was trying to make my way to the kitchen, dying for a drink, when I was suddenly stopped in my tracks by someone pulling my arm. I glanced to my right and found out it was Quinn, who was smiling widely at me, clearly tipsy. I saw her mouth move, but I couldn't hear her over the music, so I motioned for her to follow me to the kitchen. I pushed myself a few steps further through the crowd until I finally opened the door to the kitchen, Quinn following behind me.

I was glad that the kitchen wasn't as packed as the rest of the house and I took a moment to catch my breath and straighten my skirt.

"You caaame!" Quinn spoke with a wide smile.

I gave her a small smile back, while my eyes roamed the kitchen, looking for something to drink. Something strong. "Yeah I did."

"I knew you'd follow up my advice," she said proudly and slung her arm around my shoulders while I was screwing the cap off of a bottle of vodka.

"Which advice, Quinn?" I set the bottle to my mouth and threw my head back, taking a few big gulps and narrowing my eyes when the liquid burned at the back of my throat.

Quinn laughed loudly. "About… _Puck!_" she whispered the name in my ear. Well, it wasn't really a whisper, more a silent shout.

I set the bottle back on the counter top and turned my head towards her, raising my eyebrow in the process. "What?"

"You know! Getting closer to him!" she said matter-of-factly, while rummaging through the fridge and pulling out a can of beer.

I opened one of the cupboards and took out a glass. "That's not why I'm here, Q." I took the bottle of vodka again and poured it into the glass, then added some soda and mixed it. "I just wanted to get out of the house. You know." I leant my back against the counter and raised the glass to my mouth.

Quinn just nodded. She didn't say anything. Instead she started to sway her body to the music, while waving her hand through the air, and raising the beer can to her mouth every now and then.

I felt a laugh bubble up my throat and I raised my hand to my mouth in an attempt to muffle it. It didn't work.

Quinn opened her eyes and gave me a questioning look. "What?"

"You're so drunk," I laughed.

Quinn's face broke into a smile and she started laughing too. I didn't know if I saw it well or that it was just my imagination, but for a moment I thought I saw that spark in her eyes again.

"Well, come join me in my drunkenness!" she exclaimed. "Let's drink shots!"

I could only laugh harder while she walked up to the counter and started collecting all sorts of bottles. Then she opened one of the cabinets and took out a handful of shot glasses. She was filling them with all kinds of liquor when suddenly the door opened and Finn entered the kitchen.

His eyes widened a bit when he saw me, but he smiled nonetheless. "Hey!" he greeted, along with a dopey grin.

I gave him a curt nod, but Quinn stopped in her motions and turned to him with a huge smile plastered on her face. "Heeeey, Finn!" She chirped, then moved towards him and slung her arms around his tall frame, making him blush. I raised my eyebrow, wondering what the hell she was doing. My eyes widened even further when she turned her head and placed a kiss on his cheek, making his face turn an even brighter shade of red.

She released him and walked to the fridge, getting him a beer, which he took gratefully. "You want to drink shots with us, Finn?" she asked with a sweet smile.

_What the fuck is she doing?_

"Sure!"

Quinn divided the shot glasses between the three of us and raised her glass. Then Finn and I raised ours too, before setting the glasses at our lips and throwing our heads back. I closed my eyes at the burn again.

Quinn laughed and Finn laughed along with her while I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Then the door opened again, and Mike poked his head into the kitchen, smiling at Quinn and me and then turning his attention to Finn.

"Hey, Finn, come on outside, Puck is going to make a bonfire!"

"Cool!" Finn answered, then smiled at us and made his way outside.

When the door had closed behind him, I immediately turned to Quinn. "What the fuck was that?"

Quinn poured some more shots, dripping the liquid onto the countertop in the process. "What?"

I sighed in frustration. "You being all over that giant!"

She smiled slyly. "Oooh, that. I haven't told you yet, have I?"

"Have told me what?"

"I broke up with Sam." She said like it didn't mean anything to her. Which wasn't weird, because she'd only started dating Sam a few months ago because he was the new "school hottie".

"Why?" I asked, just to keep the conversation going.

"That dork quit the football team," she said, "I can't have a boyfriend that quitted the football team! Besides, guess who the new quarterback is?"

I pursed my lips. I already knew where this conversation was going.

"Finn!" she exclaimed happily. "He's the new hot stuff, and I'm going to make sure he's mine. Imagine how jealous everyone will be!"

"Uhuh."

_Always the same thing_

"And how are you?" she asked. It sounded genuine, so I turned my head to her and looked her in her hazel eyes. I took a breath before speaking.

"I don't know, Q." I looked at the contents of my glass, wondering what the hell she put in there. When I opened my mouth to continue, Quinn suddenly jumped up, phone in her hands.

"Sorry, S, gotta go! Finn texted me, he asked me to come outside. See you later!" And then she skipped out of the kitchen, leaving me alone.

"Nice," I mumbled, then emptied my glass and set it down with a slam. I felt the adrenaline flood through my body again. Anger, sadness, loneliness. I clenched my jaw and stood up, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room.

I reached into my pocket and took my pack of cigarettes out, then lighted one while I moved through the crow, trying to evade the drunk boys on my way. I was stopped by a big muscular body, and before I knew it I was pushed up against the wall.

"Hey babe," Puck said huskily.

His breath smelled like beer and I turned my head to the side to evade his lips. His hands roamed my body, starting at my hips and creeping up to my breasts, clearly not caring that everyone could see us.

I got distracted by a blonde head that passed. I pushed Puck off of me and stood on my toes to get a better view. Yes, it was Brittany.

Puck stepped toward me again, ready to continue his journey over my body, but I pushed him again. "Not now, Puck." Then I stepped away from him and followed the blonde. I took a bottle of liquor that was standing on one of the tables on my way, and stopped when I saw her dancing with a group of football players.

I was at a few feet away, just standing there, not minding all the bodies moving around me, but only looking at her and her movements. Her body moved so freely, so easily to the music, like she had nothing to worry about. I saw the eyes of the guys glued to her breasts, which bounced up and down with her movements. I moved my cigarette to my already opened mouth and took a pull, blowing the smoke in a thin stream towards her. She must've noticed, because she stilled her movements for a second and looked at me. I wanted to look away, but I don't know whether it was because of the shots Quinn gave me or just her movements, but I just couldn't tear my gaze away from her. I sucked harder on my cigarette when I felt the familiar tingles crawl over my body and for a moment it was like the whole room had stilled, and the only thing I could see was her. That was until a body crashed into mine and I almost tumbled over by the impact. My cigarette fell on the carpet, but luckily I could save the bottle of liquor. I took this chance to walk away from her and took a seat on one of the stools in the back of the room. I could still see her. The tingles hadn't left my body yet and I wanted to punch myself for acting like this.

I raised the bottle to my mouth and took a sip. This time the liquid didn't burn that much. It actually tasted quite good, so I took another few sips. Right in front of me was Brittany, whipping her hair around and making my heartbeat speed up. To my left was a group of Cheerios, talking loudly about all the hot guys at the party, and to my right I saw Quinn sitting in Finn's lap, whispering into his ear.

My grip tightened around the bottle and I took another big gulp. The beats of the music started to hurt in my head and I closed my eyes. I hoped that that would calm me down, but instead I saw quick visions of all kinds of people flash through my mind.

I was scared that if my hand tightened any more around the bottle that it would break in my hand, but I couldn't help myself. My mom, my Abuela, Quinn, Finn, Puck, my dad.

Brittany.

I saw them all in my head, like some kind of movie on repeat. Every time I saw one of them, I felt my arm lift the bottle up and a second later the liquor would run down my throat.

Quinn. A sip. Puck. Another. My head started thumping. Another sip. My brain became clouded. Brittany. Another few big gulps, and then the empty bottle fell from my almost limp hand, landing on the carpet with a thud.

**XXXXX**

Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey! Here's chapter 6. I also wanted to make clear that this story doesn't completely follow canon. Just saying so you guys won't get confused!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>CHAPTER 6<em>

I don't know how long I had been out, but when I opened my eyes I was sitting on the floor with an empty liquor bottle lying next to me. I immediately clenched my eyes shut again when the smell of beer and smoke entered my nostrils. I was feeling nauseous, and I thought that I needed to puke. My head was thumping too and I silently cursed myself for drinking that much. A moment later I felt something pressing roughly against my lips and big hands roamed my body. My eyes shot open, and I saw Puck.

It took a moment before my brain started to work because of all the alcohol in my body, but when Puck's lips pressed harder against mine, I lifted my arms up to his chest, trying to push him off of me. I pushed with all the strength I had in me, but the alcohol made my limbs feel so heavy and I was too weak to get him off of me.

I opened my mouth to yell at him, but that made him think it was an invitation to let his tongue enter my mouth and dance against mine. I panicked, my heart started to thump loudly in my chest and through all of the clouds in my brain one thought was clear:

_I need to get him off of me_

I knew it was no use trying to push him off of me, because he was too strong, so I just started to shake my head in attempt to make him stop. This only made him push himself harder against me, his lips rough against mine. Because of all the force with which he pushed himself against me, my head snapped back against the wall behind me. I winced a little at the pain in the back of my head, but I immediately forgot the pain when I felt his hands crawl upwards from my hips. I wanted to slap his hands away from my body, but my arms seemed glued to the floor.

My head started thumping harder, my heart beating faster and I was afraid that I would pass out, until I suddenly heard someone yelling. Seconds later Puck was gone. The yelling didn't stop, and I knew that Puck was one of the two people that were yelling. I was curious why they were yelling but I was too damn tired to make myself look up to see what was happening. I was just glad that Puck had left, and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep.

"Get off of her! Don't you see she doesn't want that?"

"Wha're you talkin' 'bout. We were havin' a great time!" I heard Puck's voice.

"Just go away," the other voice said.

Because of the loud music and all the people in the house, along with my thumping brain I couldn't make out to who the other voice belonged. I was curious, but too drunk and tired to make myself open my eyes again. I let my head loll forward, and I intended to just fall asleep there on the floor of Puck's house, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me. The hand was softer and more gentle than Puck's had been a few minutes earlier.

"Come on, Santana. You have to go home," I heard someone above me say. It was the same voice from before. The one that had yelled at Puck.

I knew I had to go home, and I wanted to, but my body was too heavy to get up. The hand on my shoulder gave me a soft squeeze, indicating that they were waiting for an answer.

"Can't…," I managed to get out.

"Hold on to me." Before I could answer, I felt two warm arms wrap under my armpits, tugging me upwards. My eyes were still closed and I was having a hard time trying to get my legs straight under my body. They felt like jelly. An arm wound its way around my waist and guided through the mass of dancing people.

I tried to concentrate to place one foot in front of the other and keeping myself from caving in. I stumbled when someone bumped into me, I guess it was a football player, but the strong arm around my waist helped me stay up and guided me outside. The cool air shocked my face, and I was happy to be away from the mass of bodies. That didn't take away that I still felt awful, and it seemed like my legs would feel heavier with every step I took. I wondered how long I would last until I would collapse onto the ground. I grinned a little at the thought. I wouldn't even mind, I just wanted to sleep, whether it was in a warm fuzzy bed or on the ground, I didn't care.

Suddenly the arm that had supported me around the waist disappeared, but a second later a soft hand wrapped around mine and pulled me gently forward. I still hadn't opened my eyes, and I still didn't know who was holding my hand and where they were taking me. But the hand felt nice in mine, so I gladly let it guide me.

"Whe' a' we goin'?" I slurred. In my head it had sounded a lot better, but it seemed my brain and body weren't at the same page right now. I regretted talking when I felt a huge clump at the back of my throat, indicating that I was going to puke if I talked too much.

"You are going to bed," a soft voice answered.

Now we were out of the house, and away from the loud music and partying people, it was easier to hear, and I tripped over my own feet when I recognized the voice. I braced myself for the fall, but right before my knees hit the ground I felt a hard pull on my arm and I was finally able to open my eyes and look up into Brittany's when she hoisted me up.

"Watch out," she said with a small smile. She waited until I was safe on my legs again and then started walking again. Slower this time to make sure that I wouldn't trip again.

I was drunk, tired, sleepy, nauseous, everything awful, and my brain wasn't working properly, but through all the clouds it still managed to send little electric shocks through my body when I took a moment to look at our joined hands. Her hand felt so soft and warm in mine, and for a second I would swear that I could feel her thumb brushing over the back of my hand every now and then. But that could also be a vision caused by the alcohol.

I didn't know if it was my brain or the booze speaking, but I had to admit that I enjoyed walking next to her. Holding her hand. It was nice. Warm. Soft. Gentle.

"Snice," I mumbled.

After a minute or so of walking, she came to a halt and let go of my hand. I immediately started swaying back and forth, having trouble keeping my footing and she rushed forward, placing her hands on my hips and pushing me softly until I was leaning against a car. Her car I think. I leaned heavily against the vehicle as my head lolled forward, making my hair fall in a curtain in front of my face. My eyes fluttered closed again and I felt like I could just stand there and fall asleep. It was quite comfortable.

I woke from my short slumber when she pinched me lightly in my side and said my name.

"Santana? Santana, stay awake," she said, softly nudging my shoulder. "Where do you live?" Her voice sounded concerned.

I tried to lift my head upwards to face her, but it was too damn heavy and I thought that I was going to puke if I did, so I just kept it hanging. I pinched my eyebrows together, thinking about the right answer to her question.

"Dunno. I reeeally have no idea," I drawled out. It was true. No matter how deep I dug, I had no idea where my house was and how to get there.

I heard her mutter a few curses under her breath, and I grinned. I thought it was funny that such a sweet girl like Brittany cursed.

"Is there someone you can call? Can you call your mom?"

The grin disappeared as quickly as it had come and my body stiffened. I was drunk as hell and I really wanted to go to bed and sleep, but I'd rather sleep on a park bench than call my mom in the middle of the night and ask her to pick me up. She would kill me. Not because I was drunk, but because I had woken her up.

"No… Not my mom, please. Can't… Problemooo," I managed to get out. I had to take a few deep breaths after; trying to speak when you're drunk is tiring.

"Okay," she said, "come on, you."

My hand started to tingle when it was wrapped in hers again. A little giggle escaped my throat and I was sure I had the dumbest smile ever on my face when she opened the door of her car for me and helped me into the passenger's seat. I flopped down on the leather seat with a soft thud, and she bent inside to fasten my seatbelt. She was so close. So close that I could smell her. While she was fumbling with the seatbelt, I took the chance to inhale deeply. She smelled like vanilla, and something like cotton candy. A small smile tugged at my lips. She reminded me of a funfair, with kids running around happily with candy in their hands and people smiling and having fun. My shoulders slumped when she backed out of the car again and closed the door. I let my head fall against the headrest as she walked around the car and took place in the driver's seat. Then she looked over at me with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay? It's okay if you need to puke, but then just do it in my lap or something, because my dad will kill me if the leather seats are covered in puke stains."

I couldn't help myself, but I started to giggle uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" she asked with a smile of her own.

I took a deep breath, letting my eyes flutter closed before answering. "You really a' the weirde't person I've _ever_met!"

"Because I don't want to have puke on my seats?" she asked with a quizzical expression.

I burst out laughing again, and when she realized that she wasn't going to get an answer out of me, she started the ignition and drove out of Puck's street. I opened my eyes and tried to keep them on the road, but after a minute I had no clue where we were going and I felt my eyes and body get heavier and heavier.

"So… sleepy," I mumbled. "Can't get comf'rt'ble in this stupid seat."

She released one hand from the steering wheel, reached over to me and pulled my shoulder softly towards her.

"Here, rest your head on my shoulder. We'll be there in ten minutes."

I shot her a weird look, but my exhaustion was stronger than my brain, so I took her offer and wiggled my body a bit so I could rest my head against her shoulder. I enjoyed the warm fuzzy feeling that crept through my body the moment it made contact with hers.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, but suddenly I felt the urge to talk to her. I really didn't understand a thing about this girl. I had made her feel miserable more than once, even made her cry, and here she was, taking care of me when I was drunk.

"Why are you doin' this?" I breathed.

She kept her eyes on the road while answering: "because you said you were tired. This way you can rest your head."

"No. I mean why're you helpin' me? I've been nothin' but awful to you."

I felt her foot leave the gas pedal for a second while she turned her head to look down at me.

"I don't care. You looked like you needed help, so I helped you," she said matter-of-factly.

A smile crept up my face, even though I didn't want it. This girl was unbelievable. I didn't know whether she was just one of the kindest persons walking the earth, or one of the stupidest, but I knew for sure that I absolutely didn't understand a thing about her.

"If I was you, and you were me. Or…," I took a moment to think about what I wanted to say, but I figured she would understand anyway. "Or something… Then I would've just laughed a'you. Or me." I paused for a second to think, but thinking wasn't one of my strengths at the moment, so I gave up. "You know what I'm tryin' to say right?" I finally drawled out.

She chuckled. "Yes. But I'm not you. I'm Brittany, and you're Santana, and I'll help you whenever you need me to."

I slowly nodded my head against my shoulder. I didn't understand a thing about her, but I felt a smile tug at my lips nonetheless.

We both were quiet the rest of the drive, me with my head on her shoulder and she keeping her eyes on the road. The car slowly came to a halt, but I still didn't have a clue where we were. She didn't know where I lived, so we couldn't be at my place. She tapped me gently on the top of my head, telling me to get up. I tried to lift my head off of her shoulder, but it was too damn heavy. A low grumble escaped from my throat, making her laugh. Then I felt my shoulders tingle where her hands touched them, helping me to get up and pushing me into the passenger's seat. When she was sure I sat safely, she released me and told me to wait, then got out of the car and walked around it to open the door on my side. When I looked through the windshield I saw an unfamiliar house. I pinched my eyes into small slits to look at it. Various colors danced in front of my eyes and I had to open and close them a few times to get a better view. It was a nice house, complete with a front yard full of colorful flowers and a black family car on the driveway. It was the kind of house you would see in television commercials, with smiling kids running around the lawn and a golden retriever waiting for his owner to come home.

I smiled drunkenly, while trying very hard to keep my eyes open. Seconds later the door on my right opened and I could instantly smell the sweet scent of Brittany again. She leant into the car and wrapped her arms under my armpits, pulling me out of the seat. I tried to stand up by myself, but my limbs were just too heavy and the scent of her made me lose control over my body even more, so I just let her drag me up and push me against the side of her car. She made sure I stood secure against her car, before she released me to close the car door. The cold night air was like a slap in my face, and it somehow made me even drowsier than I already was. I hiccupped, and she turned her head to face me.

"Are you okay? Do you need to throw up?"

She sounded concerned. I opened my mouth to answer, but instead I hiccupped again.

"I'll hold your hair if you want me to."

I took a deep breath and waited a second to make sure I didn't have to hiccup again. "I don' 'ave to puke. Sleep."

From between the slits of my eyes I could see her smiling.

"Okay, good. Come on then," she said while walking towards the front door of the house. I pushed myself from the car with my hands, but the instant my body left the car, I could feel my legs wobbling and I stepped back to the car. She noticed, and walked back to me, reaching her hand out for me to grab it. I looked at it for a second, before taking it and letting her guide me towards her house.

She released my hand when she was looking for her keys. My legs wobbled under me and I had to lean into her side to stop myself from falling. She laughed, and turned the key in the lock. She linked her arm through mine and helped me inside. I didn't even bother looking at the house; I just stood there, eyes half closed, while she locked the door behind her. A moment later she helped me out of my jacket and I felt my skin burn at the places she touched it.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," she said softly, then grabbing my hand again and helping me up the stairs.

"I'm so sleepy," I said, while squeezing her hand tightly in mine to keep myself from falling down the stairs.

"Ssshh, I know," she whispered. When we reached the top of the stairs she guided me to her room, and I immediately shuffled towards the bed. She let go of my hand and I let myself fall face-first onto her bed. It was soft and fluffy. It even smelt like her.

"I'm going to get you some water, I'll be right back."

I muttered something into the pillow and closed my eyes, enjoying the softness of her bed. I don't know whether it was seconds, minutes, or hours later but suddenly she sat next to me on the bed, helping me to sit up.

"Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better. I give this to Lord Tubbington too whenever he's drunk."

My face scrunched into a confused expression, but I thought that it just sounded so weird because I was drunk, so I ignored it.

She offered me a glass of water and I lifted my arm to take it, but I lost my balance and fell backwards onto the bed. She laughed a little and placed the glass on her bedside table, then wrapped her arm behind my back and lifted me up. She held her hand there to keep me from falling backwards again and handed me the glass. I took a few sips, while enjoying the warmth of her arm against my back. I was still nauseous, but the water seemed to help a little. After a few gulps my body started to become too heavy for me to keep sitting up. "So tired…" I sighed.

"I know, Santana. But you have to get out of those clothes first; I'll get you something to sleep in." She stood up and walked towards her drawer. Without her arm around my back, I immediately fell back into the mattress. I didn't care. I was so tired. My eyes fluttered closed and I let the bed envelope me.

"Santana."

"Hmmm," it was the only thing that I could get out of my mouth at that moment.

"I have some clothes for you to sleep in."

I grumbled, then moved my hands to the bottom of my top and pulled it over my head. Then I moved them to my skirt and pulled it down my legs, not caring that Brittany was still standing there. It felt like it took all the strength in my body to take my clothes off and I was drained when I lay back again.

I heard Brittany sigh, and then I heard her shuffle closer to the bed. The mattress dipped when she placed her knee next to my body. My eyes were closed, but I knew she was very close to me because I could feel the heat radiating off of her body, making a smile form at my lips. My breath hitched a little when she moved closer and gently pulled a shirt over my head. The shirt smelled like her. It smelled so good and it made goose bumps crawl over my skin.

"Hmmm, vanilla," I mumbled happily, while snuggling deeper into the mattress.

"What?" she asked, while pulling some sweats over my legs.

"Hmnothing."

I inhaled deeply and almost immediately fell asleep.

**XXXXX**

I woke by warm rays of sun shining through the window, pricking my eyes. I grumbled, my head was still pounding, but besides that I was really warm and comfortable. I slowly opened my eyes to take a look on the alarm clock on my bedside table. My brow furrowed when I was greeted by blonde head of hair instead of my alarm clock. Slowly, images from the previous night came back to me, and my body stiffened when I realized that the super comfy pillow I thought I was lying on was in fact Brittany's chest. One of her hands rested on my shoulder and my arm was draped over her stomach.

My head started to thump ever harder as my brain kicked in and screamed at me that I had to get out of there, but I knew that if I made a sudden movement, it would wake Brittany. And that would make this whole situation even more awkward.

_Shit shit shit_

I slowly lifted my arm and retracted it from Brittany's body. I paused a second to make sure that she was still sleeping, and then I lifted my body off the mattress, quietly stepping out of the bed. I tiptoed around the room to look for my clothes, which were draped neatly over the back of a chair. I scooped them up in my arms and looked down my body and saw I was clothed in an unfamiliar shirt and sweatpants. They must've been Brittany's. I debated changing, but I figured it would take too much time, and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, so I just left the room in Brittany's clothes, and my own clothes under my arm. I stopped at the top of the stairs, listening if there was anybody in the house, but it was quiet, so I figured the coast was clear to leave the house. I tiptoed down the stairs and I froze when I was met by a pair of big brown eyes and a wagging tail looking up at me. Down the stairs was a huge German Shepard, panting happily and looking curious at me.

_Shit_

I wasn't scared of dogs. I liked them. But I was scared that he was going to bark and that that would wake Brittany. I cautiously took another step down the stairs.

"Hey there, boy," I whispered, slowly reaching my hand out to the dog.

He wagged his tail happily and reached forward to sniff my hand, and I figured it was safe to take the last two steps down the stairs.

I petted the dog on his head. "Bye, boy. Don't tell Brittany." I slipped into my jacket and then reached for the doorknob and twisted it as quietly as I could to the side and left the house. I let out a frustrated sigh when I remembered I had left my car at home the previous night, so it meant that I had to walk home now. Luckily I knew the neighborhood; it wasn't far from Puck's house, so I didn't have to be scared that I'd get lost.

It was still early, but the sun was already shining brightly and I had to squint my eyes against all the light that made my head thump even harder.

_What the hell happened last night?_

I remembered the party. I remembered being annoyed with Quinn, and I remembered that I took the bottle of liquor with me to the living room of Puck's house. Then there was a whole blur, and the next thing I remembered was sitting on the floor in the living room with the empty bottle next to me.

_Fuck_

My heart sped up as visions of Puck's lips on mine entered my brain. I suddenly felt extremely nauseous, and it wasn't because of all the alcohol I had drunk the night before. "Shit, shit, shit," I cursed aloud, a hand raised to my head in an attempt to clear it. It didn't work.

_What happened next?_

Had I kissed him back? Had I pushed him off of me? How did I end up at Brittany's? How did we end up all snuggled up in her bed? I had so many questions and I had no answers. I knew I had to calm down and try to clear my head a bit before I would be able to think straight again.

_C'mon Santana. Easy._

I took a few deep breaths, trying to relax a bit. My heart was still thumping loudly in my chest, but I forced myself to calm down.

_Okay, the party. Quinn. Liquor. Floor. Puck._

Yelling. There had been yelling. And then Puck had been gone. My eyes widened and I froze at the spot.

_Brittany._

Brittany had pushed Puck off of me and had told him to get lost. Then she had helped me on my feet and taken me home. I remembered what I had said -no scratch that- what I had _mumbled_to her in the car. That I didn't understand why she was helping me. I still didn't. She had been so sweet for me, taking care of me and taking my drunk ass home with her. I looked down my body to take a look at the clothes she had given me, and I cautiously bent my head forward and inhaled deeply.

Vanilla.

_Brittany_

I immediately lifted my head up again and mentally smacked myself in the face.

_What the fuck are you doing, Santana? She didn't help you because she likes you. That's impossible, after all you did to her. She just wants something from you. Watch out, Santana._

"Right," I whispered to myself, and fumbled in the pockets of my jacket to take my pack of cigarettes out of it. I planted the cigarette between my lips and lighted it, taking a deep drag and letting the smoke swirl in my mouth.

I was just so angry. At everyone. At my mom, for being who –_what_- she was. At Quinn, for placing popularity above everything. At Finn, for just being Finn. At Puck, for taking advantage of me when I was drunk.

But most of all, at Brittany, for making me feel so fucking confused all the time.

**XXXXX**

My mom wasn't home when I entered my house. I didn't know where she was, but I figured she'd be at work. I stomped up the stairs and immediately made a dash for my bed, landing with a soft thud and not bothering to take my – or Brittany's – clothes off. I fell asleep again the moment my head connected with the pillow.

**XXXXX**

My eyes fluttered open at the sound of someone knocking on the door. I groaned, running my hand over my eyes and probably smearing all the make-up that was still there. I still felt awful. I decided to ignore the knocking on the door, they would probably leave in a minute or so, and I snuggled back into the mattress. I closed my eyes again, determined to fall asleep again, but the person that was at the door obviously wasn't planning on leaving and kept knocking.

"Argh!" I groaned loudly, while throwing the covers off of my body. I combed my hand through my hair and stepped out of my bed. I stomped through my room and down the stairs. Through the window of the door I could see the outline of a slender figure standing in front of the door.

My arm reached for the door knob and yanked it open. I could feel my breath hitch in my throat and I almost slammed the door back shut out of shock. Goosebumps made their way up my body and I suddenly felt very self-conscious as Brittany was smiling at me and I probably looked horrible with my disheveled hair and raccoon eyes.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say, but no words would come out. Various thoughts and questions shot through my mind as I was staring at Brittany, who was still smiling at me. It was as if time stood still.

_What is she doing here? How does she know where I live? Why is she smiling? She should be angry at me._

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were sleeping," she started. "It's just that, you left your phone this morning when you," she paused for a moment and she averted her eyes from me, looking at nothing in particular. "When you left." She said the last part a lot softer, sad almost.

I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and my brow furrowed when I realized what I felt was guilt. Guilt for sneaking out of her house when she had taken such care of me.

"Uh… Yeah, I guess," I stammered. It was the only thing that would come out of my mouth.

She fumbled in her pocket and took my phone out of it. She glanced at it for a moment, a weird look in her eyes, and then handed it over to me.

It took me a moment to make my arm reach out to her to take the phone from her. I felt like I was frozen. I was so confused. I just sneaked out of her house this morning without thanking her after she had helped me, and here she was again, bringing me my phone.

"Thanks," I mumbled softly, and stuffed the phone into the pocket of my sweats. I didn't dare to look her in the eyes anymore so I started to fumble with the hem of my shirt instead. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was still dressed in her clothes. My heart started thumping in my chest and I felt a huge wave of heat wash over my body.

She must've noticed something, because she let out a soft laugh and reached over to me, touching my arm softly. She only touched me for a second, but it made my heart thump even louder.

"It's okay, I don't need them back right now."

"Erm, yeah, thanks," I stammered, looking at anything but her.

"I have to go," she said, giving me a little wave and a smile.

I just stood frozen in the door opening while she turned around and started walking towards her car. Before she opened the door she turned back to me. She stood there for a moment, looking at me, before her eyes shifted to the ground. She almost looked shy.

"I sent you a message with my phone, just so you have my number," she spoke softly.

I swear I could see her cheeks flush a little, but before I could take a better look she had already climbed into her car. My brow knitted together and I stepped back into the house. After I closed the door behind me I leaned against it and took my phone out of my pocket. I slid my thumb across the screen to unlock it and I was instantly greeted by a text message:

**hi, I just wanted to give you my number so you can call me whenever you need me. i meant what I said yesterday. -B**  
><strong><br>XXXXX**

**Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think!**


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